Another Online Date, Another Lesson Learned

The Real Deal on Online Dating

Let me set the stage. I went on yet another online date. I got dressed, put on my smile, told myself to keep an open mind. And I came home feeling… depleted.

Online dating at this stage of life is daunting. It’s not the butterflies-and-dreams thing it used to be; it’s more like a series of job interviews where half the candidates didn’t even read the job description.

This particular date? Within the first ten minutes—ten minutes—he looks at me across the table and says, “You don’t meet the physicalities of my preference.”

Wait. What?!

Let’s rewind, sir. You saw my pictures. You slid through my Instagram like a detective on a mission. We even face-timed. So how is it that you’re just now discovering that my body, my curves, my everything are somehow not “your preference”?

Spoiler alert: what he really meant was he wanted to knock me down a peg. Because that’s what narcissistic people do—they make sure you know where you “stand” so they can stay in control.

Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid

Look, I’m not delusional. We all have preferences. I have mine too. Truth be told, I like big men. Big, and well… big. I’m not attracted to slender guys. But I didn’t sit across from him, take one look, and say, “Sorry, you’re not my type.”

Why? Because I know the power of words. Because once you speak it out loud, it plants a seed of inadequacy. And if by some chance the chemistry grows later, you’ve already poisoned the soil. That man will forever see himself as “less than” in your eyes.

But apparently, he didn’t think twice about telling me I didn’t fit his mold. And let me tell you—it stung in the moment. But here’s where age and wisdom save me.

The Narcissism Factor

Let’s call it what it is. That comment wasn’t about me—it was about him. That was a narcissistic move, a little power play to see how I’d react. Narcissists often can’t resist controlling the narrative: they highlight your “flaws” to establish superiority.

The irony? He wasn’t my type either. But I had the grace (and common sense) not to weaponize that truth.

The Danger of Internalizing

Here’s where we, especially women over 50, have to pause and check ourselves. It’s easy to internalize that kind of comment. To let some man’s half-baked opinion sink into our bones and whisper: “You’re not enough.”

But let me be clear: you are not defined by one man’s preferences. His taste says nothing about your worth. It says everything about his character.

If I start believing that his words have weight, I hand over my power. I shrink. I start second-guessing myself. And honey, I’m too grown, too seasoned, and too damn fabulous for that.

The Lesson in This Interchange

Here’s what I pulled from this date:

1. Discernment matters. People tell on themselves quickly. If someone can disrespect you in the first ten minutes, imagine what they’ll do in ten months.

2. Preferences are fine. Weaponizing them is not. We’re all allowed to have “types.” But when someone chooses to voice it in a way that diminishes you? That’s about ego, not honesty.

3. Self-worth is non-negotiable. The moment you feel inadequate because of someone’s careless comment, pause. Ask: “Is this about me, or about them?” Nine times out of ten—it’s about them.

4. Grace is strength. Not every thought needs to be spoken. Sometimes, choosing silence is power.

A Word to My Sisters in the Dating Trenches

If you’re out here navigating online dating, don’t fall prey to the madness. These men can be crazy, narcissistic, and oblivious—but their behavior doesn’t define you.

Remember this: your value is not up for debate. You are not auditioning for the role of “acceptable.” You are interviewing them to see if they fit into your beautiful, hard-earned life.

So the next time someone comes at you with their preferences disguised as insults, smile, sip your drink, and mentally note: “Thank you for disqualifying yourself.”

My Closing Thought

Dating after 50 is not for the faint of heart. It’s a rollercoaster of hope, humor, and sometimes humiliation. But each encounter gives you a choice: shrink under someone’s words, or rise above them.

Me? I’ll take the lesson, the story, and the reminder that I am more than enough. Always have been. Always will be.

✨ Because at this stage in life, I’m not chasing approval—I’m choosing peace. ✨